Heartbroken

Yesterday we found out that my boss didn't make it, and they couldn't find brain activity. They are talking about a possible visitation tonight and funeral tomorrow, but I haven't heard for certain. I also am pretty sure the front door of my work is going to become a shrine before long. I'm just in shock at the moment, and in a daze. Things aren't going to be the same without him.

A heavy heart, but hopeful...

Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. When I arrived at work, I found out that my boss, Dwayne, had fallen while on vacation in Florida, and was in ICU in an orlando hospital. At that point we didn't know much, just that it was bad. We knew that he had a skull fracture, brain swelling, and was not responsive. We also knew that he was barely clinging to life. Later in the day we also found out that his son had been arrested in connection to the fall, and all kinds of rumors were spreading like wildfire. By last night he wasn't any better, and I went to bed last night praying that it was all a bad dream.

This morning was a little better, and we found out that he was stable when we got to work, but there still wasn't brain activity. Later we heard that he reacted to some reflex tests, and swelling was going down. We were all thrilled, and knew that gagging and coughing meant brain activity. By 4pm or so, we found out that they had been able to get the son out of jail (even though he's not allowed to see his dad at the hospital, and he has to have someone with him 24/7), and best of all, Dwayne moved a toe - twice! I told Mike I never thought I'd be so excited to hear that someone moved their toe. When we left work he was still on a ventilator, but signs of brain activity are showing up and swelling is decreasing. We've also heard that they don't think there is any spinal cord injury, which is amazing.

Things seem to be looking up slightly, and I'm just praying it continues. Please, God, let it continue.

Going by too fast

My tiny little baby is now almost a month old. I can't believe that my maternity leave is half over, and in about a month I'll be back at work. So far I've loved every second of it - taking Amelia to Baby Bookworms on Tuesdays, lounging around the house with Maddie and watching her sleep, watching crap tv, and of course the cat naps during the day. I've heard that there are some... things... going on at work, so it should be very interesting when I go back in August. But honestly? I'd rather be here. I know that we wouldn't be able to live anywhere like we do now if I quit, but man, I'd love to be at home. Especially since I'll be shelling out so much for daycare. If only the side projects would pan out, or Mike could get moved at his job so he'd be happier. If only, if only...

Good news and bad news...

Bad news first:

• Cadence didn't sleep any last night, and since she was sick, wanted to be in my bed. That means I didn't sleep any, either.
  
• I had to cancel a dentist appointment, miss over half a day of work and spend money at the doctor's office to find out that Cadence most likely had an 8-12 hour stomach bug and is on the mend.
  
• I was at work late to make up the time that I missed since I was home taking Cadence to the doctor.
• I found out that in a meeting this morning, some concerns were brought up about my work performance and productivity. Not something you want said when 2 of your 3 head bosses are new.
• More stuff has been brought to us at work, and no hope at the moment of any help (goes back to the productivity issues earlier)
• Mike had to watch Cadence today, and wasn't happy about her having to spend about 4 hours at work with him. Especially since they have no heat, and he had customers.
  
• I think I'm starting to get the bug that Cadence had.

Good news:

• Work actually has water pressure again.
  
• Thankfully Cadence isn't seriously ill and will probably be able to go back to school tomorrow.
• I received my W2 today
• My first paycheck of the year was a little more than I was expecting (because witholdings weren't as much, not because of a raise.)
• I got a freelance job that should be fun.
• Mike watched Cadence so I could stay at work and not get in any more trouble.

I'm hoping tomorrow will be better.

I'm thankful for:

1) A little extra money! Yea!

2) A freelance job that lets me be creative.

3) I know my daughter isn't seriously ill and is on the mend.

4) Tomorrow is Friday, then I'm off for 3 days straight.
5) Long, hot showers. I needed one after today.

It's been surreal...

It's been a crazy few days around here.  We got the spice "sprinkle" rack finished (see last post), and I think my private little corner of the world has had more visitors in the last few days than it's had the whole time it's existed. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I've also learned that people can be total asses when they can be completely anonymous on the internet (hence the reason you now have to log in to comment.) I received a few rude, unnecessary comments that I'm sure the person posting them wouldn't have said to a total stranger's face, but for some reason it's completely okay to do it safely hidden behind a computer screen, and I realized something while trying to come up with suitable responses to them. This is MY blog; MY little corner of the world, not theirs. I don't have to defend or explain myself to anyone! It doesn't matter if the content isn't earth shattering, or is downright boring, it's important to me. I guess since no one but family and a few close friends has checked in here until now, I never really thought about it. It was quite an eye opening experience.

In state news, it seems that the current answer to "Does Mississippi even have running water??" is NO. Because of the crazy weather we've been having (windchill of 8. Get that? EIGHT!!! In MISSISSIPPI!!), the City of Jackson had somewhere around 80 breaks in water lines. The capitol and all state offices have been closed since Monday afternoon, all schools in Jackson, Byram and Terry have been out, and the preschool Cadence goes to hasn't had class. Unfortunately, I've still had to be at work, but the water pressure is REALLY low, and there are signs on all the water fountains telling us that we can't drink the water. It's been crazy around work the last few days, but at least the traffic  while going in is light!

Because of school being out, Cadence had to go to work with me until lunch today. She had been telling me her stomach hurt, but it started once it was getting time for her to go to the babysitters. I thought part of it was a put on, just to stay with me. However, on the way there, she threw up in the car. Three times. In a span of about 5 seconds. And to make it even worse, we were stuck at a red light about a mile from the house, and there were cars all around. I felt so bad because she had to ride with it all over her until we got home, but I couldn't pull over because I didn't have anywhere to stop or anything to clean her up with. I put her straight in the tub when we got home, and she told me that she felt better and was "overjoyed. Which is a fancy word for really happy!" (yes, we DO read too many Fancy Nancy books. Why do you ask?) Apparently she wasn't overjoyed enough, because she threw up quite a few more times before the afternoon was over. She's finally stopped, but now has fever, and it looks like I'll be home with her again tomorrow.

Tonight I had to go back to work after Mike got home, because there were a few things that had to get finished - like the Sunday bulletin! I was there from 4:45 to about 9:00, and was able to get most of my work done. Stacey was there with me, and I just love her. I was shocked when I first started and found out she's over 10 years older than I am, but I think we work together well. Our sense of humor is the same, we both love SEC football, and neither one of us can stand stupid people. I normally don't get to spend more than 2-3 hours with her, and we're usually crazy busy the entire time. It was nice to spend close to 4 with her tonight and talk some. She also has a meeting with our new boss tomorrow, and is going to bring up hiring another person to help us. We're SO overwhelmed, and really need at least a part-time person to come in. I'm so thankful for the job, but never knew that a church would have quite this much work for me. Keep your fingers crossed that they get us some help, or I may be posting this from a pretty white room soon!

And to end this long rambly post, Cadence is now fascinated with anything having to do with New Orleans or Mardi Gras since seeing The Princess and the Frog (twice.) She convinced me to buy a cheap, grocery store king cake the other day (and now I want a real one!), is actually trying jambalaya and gumbo because it's stuff Tiana would make, and loves, loves, loves Mardi Gras masks. We got a little carried away in the store trying them on, but I have a feeling a few will be appearing at the house before Fat Tuesday actually gets here!

And my favorite

We have some friends in Louisiana that are going to try and get me the dates for the parades through their town, so we might try to take her to one. I know she'd have a blast!

Please keep your fingers crossed that the meeting goes well tomorrow, and that Cadence is finally feeling better!

I'm thankful for:

1) A healthy little girl. I know things could be so much worse than throwing up and a little fever. Overall, this really isn't bad.

2) So much work that it guarantees job security.

3) Mike. He watched Cadence so I could go back to work, didn't call 45 times to see if I was done yet, and had the kitchen cleaned when I got home. I just love him.

4) I get to sleep late in the morning

5) That the water pipes should be fixed soon and we'll have enough water pressure to flush toilets at work again.

Happy New Year!

I’m sitting here at work, waiting to hear how the weather is going to turn out (could be ice! could be snow! could be nothing but gross, yucky, cold rain!), and thinking about the coming year. My house is somewhat back to normal, all 13 of the new barbie dolls have found a home (mostly in Cadence’s bed. Yes, she sleeps with every one of them at night. I need to get a picture soon.), and the routine at work is slowly returning.

January 1 brought not only a new year, but a new boss, new expectations, and new challenges. Having a new boss means that we’re trying to figure him out, and him us; him learning what we’re capable of, and us learning what he expects, and both of us trying to balance this new information and new roles with the feel and congregation at the church. I’m curious (and slightly scared and worried) to go through this change, and I’m eager to see where we end up at the end of it.

Cadence is still having issues at school, and it scares me for “big school.” If she takes a swing at a teacher, or gets in fights with classmates, or mutters stuff under her breath there, they will expell her. I know that with the amount of kids they’ll have at the school next year, they won’t have time to deal with her being a snot. Her class next year will probably have somewhere around 20 kids in it. Her class this year has 9 - only 18 kids total in Kindergarten. August is going to bring a HUGE change, and a major adjustment for all of us. The only spark of hope I have is that she’s doing excellent in school. She’s learning to write sentences, starting to read, and doing really well with math. If we could just get the tantrums under control, we’d be set.

I’ve recently jumped on board the “I wanna be debt free!!!” bandwagon. Right now we don’t have an enormous amount of debt, even including the house. If we buckled down, I bet we could do it (all but the house) in 2 years or less. It would definitely take some work and sacrifice, but I do believe we could do it. Problem is, Mike isn’t quite there yet. For example, my Christmas bonus went straight into savings. I wanted a purple Kitchenaid mixer SO bad, but I knew that the right thing to do was to save it. Mike sold some stuff and got about the same amount of money. His went to buy some stuff for his Jeep and a TMaxx. We’ll be getting a refund in February, and I’m wanting to either save it all, or use it to get new counters/cabinets or new floors. Mike wants a vacation. I would love to have the majority of our bills paid off by next year, but it’s going to take both of us to make that happen, and that might be a long time coming.

I’m still wanting another child, but I don’t know if that will ever happen. It would be great to end the year with a new baby at the house, but 1) I still don’t think Mike really would like another, 2) I’m kind of enjoying having an independent little one and 3) I’m really scared to try again. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t. I don’t know right now, and don’t even really know which I would rather have.

I also plan on finding a church. II would love for it to be one that all of us go to together, but I’m tired of waiting on him to make a decision. I’m determined to find a place where we can be comfortable and happy and get involved, and I’ve decided to do that with or without his input. But hopefully it’s with. I really really want it to be with.

Well, I have work to finish, so I guess this is enough rambling for now. I hope everyone reading has a safe, happy and prosperous new year! And because I’m a copycat, I’m stealing my cousin’s idea of things she’s thankful for. My list for today:

1) A warm house to go home to

2) remote start in my car so that it’s not freezing when I get in

3) A job that I enjoy, even if it is unpredictable at times

4) My daughter. Good or bad, mean or sweet, I love her to pieces

5) 5 year old’s artwork. The one I got yesterday is of me as a princess. I love it!

PWNED!

You know, I just love it when people get what they had coming to them. It makes my day - esp when It’s something I wanted to say/do and couldn’t for whatever reason.

As soon as I walked in the door this morning, the salespeople stopped me to complain about the cover to the Senior Lifestyles tab that we ran this week. It was definitely not a normal cover, but I thought it was nice, and so did the other designer. And I think I have fairly good tastes about this kind of thing - the last tab cover that I liked that they actually used won first place in the statewide Press Association contest. So we got told that it “looks like shit,” “is too plain” and “the crappiest cover we’ve ever had.” I’m the one that designed it, so of course I’m getting a little upset about this. I was very polite to them, but was fuming when I left.

A little while later our boss comes through and they started in with him. The cover is awful, we should have done something better, it’s the worst cover yet, blah, blah, blah. My boss looked at the one leading the charge and said, “If you think you can do better, design one yourself and give it to them” and turned and walked away.

As Hubby and his WoW buddies would say, PWNED


And the utterly crappy cover:

Can I do this?

Is it ok to blog multiple times a day? I'm not sure. Most of the ones I read don't, but I guess since it's mine I can do whatever the heck I want with it. And today I want to post twice. Why? Because I'm bored at work, feel like crap, and need something to occupy my time.

Last night it was so hard to come up with a name for this blog. I wanted something different that described me, but it was so hard to figure out what "me" was. I figured out that I'm a nice little hodge-podge of stuff. My new iPod has everything from Norah Jones to Linkin Park to Three Dog Night on it. I usually wear jeans and tshirts to work, but like to spice it up with red heels every so often. I love talking on the phone and being online, but am perfectly content to sit for hours and get lost in a good book. So what really describes me? I'm not sure, and I think I like it like that.

In high school I always wanted to fit in, and have people like me, and was easily defined. Then as I got older, I started to realize that it's ok to not be confined by a "label." But after so many years of trying to define myself and make myself fit into this nice little mold of what I was supposed to be, it's hard to break away from that. And for once in my life I'm finally starting to figure out who I am and what I like. A few years ago I would have never decorated my living room in black, red and lime green - because OMG! What would people think of me??? I wouldn't have had Nirvana right after Ludacris, right after Alicia Keys on the iPod because someone might see it and wonder what kind of person I was. And I have to say, the stuff I designed sucked because I wanted to make sure everyone liked it and it couldn't be taken the wrong way by anyone. And because of that there was no creativity. Now I'm started to be less concerned with what others think, and more concerned with what I think. And I know everything around me is better because of it. My house is now becoming a reflection of me, I'm more comfortable with myself, and my design work is getting better, if I do say so myself!

Case in point: A project I did for a friend of mine. I can promise it wouldn't have looked anything like this 3 years ago.

©2006 ML Designs