A bad update

My grandfather had his first treatment yesterday, and it’s not as promising as I was hoping. I was told that he was stage 4 and it’s progressive, and it looks worse than it did a few weeks ago when he was in the hospital. With chemo, they are giving him 6 months to a year. However, he’s not eating, and they said if he doesn’t, then they can’t do chemo. Without chemo, it’s even less.

I spent a lot of the night last night crying, and I think I’m still in shock. As sad as it is, I’m almost to the point that I just hope he makes it to Christmas. I feel awful that we weren’t there this past year, and I know if he makes it to then, this Christmas will be very bittersweet. I stil can’t believe I’m even thinking things like this. It’s so crazy.

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Things I’m thankful for:
1) The wonderful memories I have
2) My family
3) Doctors and medicine - even if they aren’t doing what I wish they could
4) The hope that he could still last longer than they say
5) The knowledge that it’s not in my hands - and His hands are big enough to hold me if things are hard.